Monkeys Without Flamethrowers

Guns for Gorillas


It has recently come to the attention of Monkeys Without Flamethrowers that gun violence against already incarcerated animals has been increasing. As we all know the solution to violence involving firearms is more firearms. On that premise this organization is proud to announce our new campaign, Guns for Gorillas. The goals of Guns for Gorillas is to provide survival and firearm training for all zoo animals, circus animals and privately owned exotic animals.

Each animals training will begin with a month long survival camp. This camp will teach the animals how to survive in the wilderness and become self sufficient. After the initial training is complete they will each be assigned a untraceable and clean firearm that best fits the animals physical abilities and ability to concealed said firearm. Once the appropriate undocumented weapon is assigned, the animal will be trained how to use it in the most efficient manor. All of this in the hope that forcibly incarcerated animals will be ably to defend themselves from zoo personnel and ignorance of the majority of humanity.

Recently Harambe the gorilla was shot and killed at the Cincinnati Zoo, this incident was the direct result of human parents not keeping track of there 3 year old child. These negligent parents inaction directly resulted in the death of a already incarcerated animal. For the safety of the child a gorilla was killed. But what about the safety of the gorilla? How could this innocent primate defend itself from a gun? This is why Monkeys Without Flamethrowers campaign Guns for Gorillas is such a important cause. And your help is needed to train and arm the mastic animals so they can defend themselves in situation exactly like this.

The incident that took the life of Harambe the gorilla was not the only one to occur in resent weeks. A human in a attempt to take his own life climbed into a cage containing 2 lions at a Chilean Zoo. This man then striped down naked and started to agitate the lions. These lions armed with only the defenses that nature has provided then mauled the naked man. Management at the Santiago Metropolitan Zoo shot and killed both of the lions. Who was there to defend these helpless animals from the weapons that humanity has crated? The only sensible solution to this problem is to provide these same weapons to the animals that they are used against.

Guns for Gorillas will not succeed without your help. Donations from you in the form of money, firearms and ammunition will help these defenseless animals protect themselves from unjust attacks by humanity. These animals are already incarcerated, having committed no crime other then being born a different species. And even in this incarceration they are not safe from the tools of our species. So we as responsible neighbors all living on the same planet have no option but to provide these same tools to every defenseless animal we can.

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