Monkeys Without Flamethrowers

The Selfie Monkey


Selfies have become very popular in today society and people around the world cant seam to stop taking them. But is taking a selfie safe? Every year many people are injured and even killed in a attempt to take the perfect selfie. The truth of the madder is selfies are more dangerous then sharks. Last year there were 8 deaths from shark related injury and 12 from selfies.


With this in mind Apple has been developing a new line of accessories for there products, the IMonkey. Every IMonkey will be specially trained to operate all Apple products capable of taking you or your friends picture or video. In addition all IMonkeys are also trained to properly handle all non-Apple product. First the IMonkey will look at the non-Apple product with a look of disdain and then it will use its specialized Apple training to violently smash any DLSR, PC, Android or Windows product until it is in compliance with Apple standers.

Prices for the IMonkey start at $600 for a Chimpanzee and range up to $12,000 for a gold and diamond encrusted Gorilla with a kitten. The base price for each of the 4 IMonkey models are $600 for a Chimpanzee, $900 for a Macaque, $2,000 for a Baboon and $8,000 for a Gorilla. Each model come with options that include custom tatting (because you cant engrave a monkey), 24k gold enhancements, diamond earnings/rings, and a kitten option that is only available for the top of the line IMonkey Gorilla.

Some concern has been raised over Apples Terms of Service over the ownership of all media captured using a IMonkey. It essentially says that you as a IMonkey owner surrender all rites to the media captured and Apple may do whatever it wishes with that media. A portion of the Terms of Service is below.

By submitting User Content through the Services, you grant Apple a worldwide, irrevocable, perpetual (i.e. lasting forever), non-exclusive, transferable, royalty-free and fully sublicensable (i.e. we can grant this right to others) right to use, copy, display, store, adapt, publicly perform and distribute such User Content in connection with the Services. You irrevocably consent to any and all acts or omissions by us or persons authorized by us that may infringe any moral right (or analogous right) in your User Content.

So any content your IMonkey produces will be available for Apple to use without you being entitled to any compensations. Leaving you with no legal recourse against them if they use your media for there profit. Essentially you are not the legal owner of any images or videos your IMonkey captures.

This 2011 photo provided by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) shows a selfie taken by a macaque monkey on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi with a camera that was positioned by British nature photographer David Slater. The photo is part of a court exhibit in a lawsuit filed by PETA in San Francisco on Tuesday, Sept. 22, 2015, which says that the monkey, and not Slater, should be declared the copyright owner of the photos. Slater has argued that, as the “intellect behind the photos,” he is the copyright owner since he set up the camera so that such a photo could be produced if a monkey approached it a pressed the button. (David Slater/Court exhibit provided by PETA via AP)

PETA who has already been involved in a lawsuit concerning the Copyright ownership of monkey gathered pictures is expected to sue Apple in response to the IMonkey Terms of Service. PETA will most likely argue that all content gathered by a IMonkey is the property of the primate and not the owner of the IMonkey or Apple. Any profit gained from IMonkey content should be used to further that specific species of monkeys causes and not Apples.

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